This Heart is Alive

A Peacefully Flowing River... or Not! 

The healthy functioning brain, adult or child, is what we call "integrated."  All the parts are able to function together, none shutting down another, all able to respond at their appropriate time and add its important contribution. 

*Siegel invites us to imagine a peaceful river running through the countryside.  When you're peacefully floating along in your canoe, you are in good relationship to the world around you.  You can understand what is going on inside and around you. You can react and adjust appropriately. You are at peace.

But other times, you veer too close to one of the river's two banks.  

One back stands for "CHAOS," where you feel out of control and get overwhelmed by confusion and agitation. But be careful, because if you head too far the other direction, you'll run into "RIGIDITY."  Rather than being out of control, you do all you can to BE in control. You are unable to flex or compromise, and your canoe gets stuck. 

Especially as parents, we float back and forth between these two, feeling out of control or too rigid... and so do our kids.  

Your 4 year old won't share her doll.  Rigid. 
She erupts in a crying, yelling stand off when her playmate grabs the doll away.  Chaos. 

Having these two ideas of chaos and rigidity in mind when thinking about our kids' behaviors can help us make quick sense of them.  When you see either show up, you can know that your child needs help to guide their canoe back to peaceful stability.  

But how to go about this??

*From The Whole-Brain Child, by Dan Siegel